Imagines...

Imagine sitting here reading through each and everyone's story here. And crying through most of them. It also makes me more aware of just how blessed I am.

Imagine being 19 years old. Just got on your feet financially. Living with your fiance at the time and finding out you are pregnant. And then find out from a sonogram you had at 14 weeks that there is a sign of downs syndrome, and have to decide to have an amnio or not. Then deciding to do it, but your unborn babies father doesn't seem to care. I was left to go through the agonizing 2 weeks waiting to see if my baby did have downs and the Drs. told me I needed to consider terminating the pregnancy, which I would not do. Imagine being left alone, your baby's father left you. Unable to work, and being forced to move back in with your parents the day that you are expecting the results. ( 2 weeks to the day from the amnio) To a great relieve finding out that your having a healthy baby boy.

Imagine being constipated at 30.3 weeks, and calling your OB to see what you can do and being up all night in pain. just constipation I was sure of it. And then vomiting all night long from what I thought was just the stool softeners that your OB told you to take. And then 2 days later have a discharge, and your OB says its normal as long as its not bloody. And then the following night you start bleeding at only 31 weeks and rushing into the Hospital to find out that you are in labor. 3 CM and 100% effaced. Having mag sulfate pumped through you so fast that you feel like your knocking on deaths door. And 2 steroid shots. That your OB hopes you can make it until Thursday. After 4 days of no contractions, just a backache from being on those hard hospital beds, you get to come home on brethine, and strict bed rest.

Imagine 26 hours after you are home you start bleeding again, at 33.4 weeks. So you wake up your Mom, and she rushes to get to the hospital, especially once contractions started coming ever 1-2 minutes apart. And when you get to the hospital at 2 am. you are 8 cm, and the baby is ready to come. Within 15 minutes My OB had managed to get a 20 person neonatal staff there and his delivery staff of at least 10, and then thinking the baby is breech. A quick sonogram showed that he was the right way. And then as me, my Mom, and one nurse who has been with me through all the PTL were in my room, I felt a lot of pressure, and my body started pushing him out.

Imagine after about 30 minutes of hard bearing down my son was born. I was so nervous, and scared not knowing what we were going to expect when he came out. Since at my appointment just a week before he measured only 3 pounds. But at 3:24 am (on Thursday, September 28th 2000) my son was born, weighing 4 lbs 10 oz and 18 inches long.

Imagine the relief when I heard that loud scream coming from my precious little boy. And a great relief when the neonatal respiratory specialist look at him, and then hand him to me and tell him that he doesn't need him.

Imagine how blessed I feel knowing that he never needed one bit of oxygen, or anything. His only problem was he wouldn't eat very much, and he went down to 4 lbs 5 oz. by the time he came home on 10-1-00. Just 4 days after being born.

Imagine the fear I had when on 10-13 he would "stop" breathing for a few seconds. So I took him to the DR and they wanted him to have a pneumogram, and a Ph probe done to see what was causing his paused breathing. Finding out it was reflux, and he needed to be on the apnea monitor.

Imagine the great feeling it was when on 1-2-01 the Drs. office calling you and saying that your son doesn't need the monitor anymore.

Now imagine. At 3.5 months old weighing 13 lbs 6 oz. and over 24 inches long and other than upper respiratory infection, bronchitis, and the fear of it going to RSV, he is a healthy average 3 month old.

Imagine this all before your 20th birthday...

I can't imagine how you all feel, and I truly admire each and every one of you. And I wish you all and your families love, and health.

Imagine taking your son to the DR for a cold on a friday afternoon, and him saying to give him abuterol, and it will work itself out.

Imagine being up all night Sunday night, because his breathing is weird.

Imagine going back to the DR. (but his real PED) and them sending you straight to the hospital, and then finding out he has RSV when you asked the other PED about it on Friday and he told you not to worry about it.

Then imagine you little baby going into respiratory failure as you are waiting for a transport team to get there from the Children's hospital and being told you have to leave the room. One DR comes to talk to you telling you that they may have to Paralize you baby to get a ventilator tube in.

Imagine seeing your baby boy laying on a stretcher that is 10 times bigger than he is and seeing that he isn't on a ventilator, but the nurse is using a bad to keep your baby breathing because his throat and stuff was too swollen to get the tube in.

Imagine the 25 minute drive not to far behind the ambulance carrying your life in it with lights and sirens, and you can't be with him.

And them imagine him being in PICU, in isolation, and you have to wear a gown & mask to just be near your baby.

Imagine, about 25 hours after being put on the ventilator, and being sedated, and on a very strong pain med to just keep him from fighting the vent.

Imagine him somehow pulling out the tube, and him having to be paralized again, to do it all over again.

Imagine having to leave the hospital to come home, due to a court case you have the next day. And I imagine I will be able to add more to this as the days go on.

Tiff