Imagine...being told at 20 years old that you would never have children even though "we don't know why"; only to wake up one
day at 26 to find yourself pregnant.
Imagine...not really knowing how to feel about being pregnant and unmarried.
Imagine...when the bleeding starts at 13 weeks and you realize that you want nothing more than to have a healthy baby.
Imagine...being placed on bed rest shortly thereafter because "there's nothing we can do to stop the miscarriage".
Imagine...going to the doctor three days later and hearing that sweet heartbeat!
Imagine...the bleeding and cramps starting up again at 16 weeks only to be told that you had a bladder infection and to stay off
your feet for a couple of days.
Imagine...4 weeks of bed rest later, you feel that gush of water and know that something is very wrong.
Imagine...being rushed to the ER and being placed on a fetal monitor, all the time being told not to expect much b/c the baby was
too small. Then being discharged 4 hours later and told that I had had bladder spasms.
Imagine...leaving the ER that night and wondering what happened to the tiny and barely noticeable bulge that was there before the
"bladder spasm".
Imagine...people looking at your flat stomach in surprise when you tell them that you are 22 weeks pregnant.
Imagine...going to the OB for your 24 week "sex scan" only to be admitted to the hospital 2 hours later b/c there is no amniotic
fluid.
Imagine...on your first day in the hospital they bring you the Premature Baby Book to "prepare" you for what is going to happen;
not really even comprehending yet that NOTHING could prepare you for what was going to happen.
Imagine...lying in that hospital for three weeks, bleeding constantly and leaking the precious fluid that is supposed to protect the
tiny boy that is having a very difficult time growing in there.
Imagine...going being rushed into labor and delivery at 25 weeks and then again at 26 weeks, only to have the tiny fighter hold on
another week.
Imagine...at 27 weeks, you are taken to labor and delivery and left there b/c you are only 2 centimeters dilated. Then having to
scream for the nurses 10 minutes later b/c you felt the baby drop.
Imagine...30 people all rushing into the room just in time to grab my 1 pound 12 ounce baby boy as he fell out even though I was
only dilated 5 centimeters.
Imagine...being told that you can't see him until he's "stable"; and that ends up to be 8 hours later.
Imagine...holding him for the first time when he's 3 days old; not even caring that the equipment necessary to keep him alive is
bigger than he is.
Imagine...being told that you cannot hold him b/c he can't "tolerate" the stimulation.
Imagine...staying by his bed all night when he's 6 weeks old and has been reintubated due to sepsis; while he fights and fights to
hang in there.
Imagine...walking into the nursery on Valentine's Day to find him on room air! The sheer joy of simply being able to walk more
than 2 feet from the crib with him and look out the window was overwhelming!
Imagine...him being reintubated four days later for an emergency hernia surgery weighing only 3.5 pounds.
Imagine...him coming through the surgery with flying colors but being back on the nasal cannula; which he can't seem to let go of.
Imagine...calling the nursery every hour on the hour that last week to make sure that he hasn't had another apnea or bradycardia
spell - knowing that if he has, that pushes our discharge date back another week.
Imagine...taking your baby home for the first time when he is 3 months old and weighing barely 5 pounds; unless you count the
apnea monitor and oxygen tank in tow.
Imagine...having to give up that apnea monitor because the episodes he was having weren't "real" and b/c I was getting to
"dependent" on it.
Imagine...the utter joy in his eyes everyday, while he plays and walks and runs. Knowing that any day he is going to say that
magic word "mommy" and you aren't going to be able to stop crying.
Thank you again!
Sterling - Single mom to Nicholas. 12/12/97. 27 weeker. Now 16 months old and 18 pounds!
