Imagine finding out that after you were initially told you were carrying twins, you discover that you are carrying triplet girls, and two of them identical. And you never took a fertility drug in your life!

Imagine being so sick through your pregnancy that you are forced to live on Ensure and at-home IVs.

Imagine the fear that encompasses you as you live day to day with premature contractions, spending weeks at a time in the hospital as your husband and other children fend for themselves at home and come visit you, only to feel helpless.

Imagine the Drs. telling you that perhaps you should terminate your pregnancy and save yourself, and arguing with your spouse that this is just not something you can do.

Imagine the horror in your voice as you tell your husband with fear in your eyes that something is horribly wrong, and you are less than 23 weeks, and the pain is unbearable.

Imagine in the trip to the hospital via ambulance, the Dr. checking you and telling you.."I am so sorry, but you are already 6 1/2 cm. dilated, I am afraid that no one will be surviving, maybe not even you,,,"

Imagine being on a drug called Magnesium Sulfate to try and stop the contractions with horrendous side effects...Imagine sweating profusely, feeling anxious, having a full blown panic attack as your husband cradles you and gently explains to you that you can't "just leave and go home"

Imagine vomiting as the nurse keeps putting on your oxygen mask, as your husband watches the monitor and realizes that your saturated oxygen has dipped into the low 80s.

Imagine 2 days later, being wheeled into a delivery room to lose one of your identical angels, because God needed her more.

Imagine the silent delivery room where you know , but ask anyway if she is okay.

Imagine looking into the face of the man you love more than anything in the world, and seeing his pain as he tells you "no, sweetheart, she's gone"..

Imagine holding her all alone, because no one else (including Daddy) could handle the incredible grief.

Imagine telling her that you love her more than anything, and if your love could have saved her, she would be gazing at you and know the love in your eyes, instead of this silent nightmare.

Imagine 2 days later being told that the ultrasound revealed your second angel had passed away in utero to join her sister in Heaven. Again, you hold her alone, as you weep uncontrollably.

Imagine the guilt you feel, wondering if there was something, anything you could have done.

Imagine, as your minister is baptizing her, you beg him for answers, asking "How can God do this to me?? ", and telling him you are simply not strong enough to endure this.

Imagine him telling you he doesn't have answers right now, and someday His plan will be revealed to you. Imagine him holding you as you shake uncontrollably, sobbing, as your entire world comes crashing in....

Imagine at this point the doctors tell you that that your lungs have filled with fluid, you are hemorrhaging, and they must perform an emergency C-section to try and save you. Imagine being told that your last survivor has just about no chance of survival.

Imagine your last survivor being delivered in the sac, and intubated immediately....and you never hear that familiar cry...just people rushing around and hearing the word STAT over and over. You learn she is 1 lb. 6 oz., and 11 1/2 " long...the length of a Barbie doll.

Imagine feeling like you are dying, and at some points, wishing you were because it is too painful to be alive.

Imagine developing a life-threatening blood infection, and bargaining with God. He can take you, but please let my angel live.

Imagine being handed a polaroid of a red blurry mass....and being told this is your daughter...but you cannot go see her..because you are too ill.Your family just weakly smiles at you when you ask how she looks.

Imagine seeing your daughter go through surgery after surgery..and waiting to schedule the funeral for your first two, because you are sure that if your third does not survive, you cannot possibly endure another funeral.

Imagine staring blankly as you watch your daughter's tiny, lifeless body shaking because she is on the most intense ventilator they have.

Imagine them telling you that if she survives this, it will ruin her eyes.

Imagine the nurses throwing you out of the NICU, because every time they try to put a new IV in, they blow a vein. And while your miracle cannot cry, because she is intubated, you see the absolute terror in her eyes. But you cannot hold her, because this would cause her heart rate to drop. Imagine the medical staff telling you that if they canot keep her hydrated, she will certainly die.

Imagine your daughter's stomach swelling , and distending, even on that one pound body. Imagine them calling you to tell you they need your permission to remove 6 inches of her bowel, she has developed NEC.

Imagine, on your birthday, the Doctor telling you that she will not make it through the week, and to make funeral arrangements. Imagine her telling you that they have done everything they could, but her lungs lack elasticity, and they have to much pressure on them from her retaining fluid...and she will not urinate this fluid out. Then, they ask you if you have any questions.

Imagine praying over her isolette with your pastor, and the doctors marveling that she has urinated over a half a pound of fluid.

Imagine the elation that she has survived one more day.

Imagine calling the hospital to check on her, and they tell you they are "bagging" her right now..They will call you back.

Imagine your husband finally coming apart the first time his daughter opens her eyes at him, even though he tried to be detached.

Imagine him dropping to his knees and leaving the NICU, crying so hard he cannot breathe or stop. No matter how hard he tries....And you hold him realizing that this is the only other person on the planet who truly understands what you feel like.

Imagine your miracle extubating herself over 6 times, and pulling her feeding tube out and putting it in her diaper.

Imagine the staff nicknaming her "Houdini".

Imagine how grateful you were that the staff took a photo with her ventilator tube out before they reintubated her..and you see her face for the first time..and she is 3 1/2 months old.

Imagine your husband riding his bike to the same exact spot every day to pray to The Lord, because he is so afraid that if he misses a day..or changes the location..something terrible will happen.

Imagine feeling so torn all the time because you have two children in counseling at home and they are dealing with the loss of 2 siblings, and almost their Mom.

Imagine how much you wish there were two of you to be in 2 places at once.

Imagine them knowing they have a sister at 4 months, that no one will let them see. imagine every time you leave the hospital to be with them, being so afraid something at the hospital will go wrong...

Imagine the inability to grieve your two angels properly as you are constantly so worried about your survivor.

Imagine that your survivor was identical to the first angel, and feeling so strange every day, knowing exactly what she would have looked like.

Imagine the funeral for your angels that you finally schedule, hoping maybe your survivor will make it. Your husband thinks it will help you with closure...

Imagine thanking everyone for coming through tear-streaked eyes, not really even knowing what you are saying.

Imagine the feeling as they lower that tiny coffin where your two angels are together..and realizing the irony of the two birds circling above you.

Imagine your friends trying to get you out of the chair you are glued to, staring at the coffin, and wondering if this pain will ever go away...and as time passes, I realize, No..it doesn't.

Imagine, rushing at top speed to go see your survivor, You are still not able to hold her ..but you NEED to see her.

Imagine the comfort you feel just seeing her, even though she is covered in tubes, tape, and monitors...

Imagine after over 6 months, bringing your precious miracle home at a whopping 4 lbs. (almost).

Imagine many of your friends avoid you, because they don't know what to say to you.

Imagine that they never came back.

Imagine when she comes home, your world is turned upside down by apnea monitors, her nebulizer, and her new glasses.

Imagine your heart racing every time that monitor goes off... and praying, always praying. Imagine stimulating her as she turns grey, and exhaling when her color returns.

Imagine your miracle bravely conquering each day, and giving her therapists from Early Intervention a hard time..and you smiling, because she can...

Imagine admiring her so much, because she is independent, strong willed, and has a definite personality.

Imagine enduring all the well meaning strangers who ask "what is wrong with her?; Why does she wear glasses?, and is she retarded?"

Imagine thinking each day how important it is to let those who you love and care about know how you feel, because you just never know....

Imagine your heart melting as she kisses you.

Imagine her still not walking, but you Thank the Lord every single day that she is here to make your day complete. She is not talking either, but her smile will melt the coldest heart.

Imagine that, at almost 2, she is still not eighteen lbs yet..

Imagine how glad you are to have friends that can understand this, and how much you appreciate the opportunity you are given to vent to them.

Imagine looking at he world in a totally different light since she graced the Earth, and never taking anything for granted anymore.

Imagine going back to school for your RN in neonatal nursing, because you feel that maybe you have insight.

Imagine people asking you how you deal with your life being so hectic with all the therapists coming and going, and all the different specialists you must take her to..And you could care less,,,because you feel as if you have won the lottery simply because she is here...

Imagine her turning 2 on Mother's Day this year.

And Imagine thanking God every single day!

Imagine.................

Rene' (Mom to Stephen Raymond-13, Kayla Danielle-11, Jenna Michelle(almost 2) and her angel sisters who watch over her in Heaven...Hanna Rose(5-6-97) and Amanda Jane (5-9-97)