Imagine...5 1/2 years later, looking at the birth announcement of a IUGR baby who weighed 5.6 pounds and saying "that's not bad" the same time your mom says "oh, that's small".

Imagine...going to see this baby and having your breath taken away because he's so small and your son weighed over two pounds less at one point.

Imagine...getting to hold this baby and having it seem awkward for just a moment, before he curls up on your chest and you remember all too well...

Imagine...being amused at the friend who won't hold him because he's "too small".

Imagine...realizing that you have absolutely no memory of your child being any smaller then that, you remember events that happened but can't remember how small your son really was.

Imagine...having the bizarre dreams of the neonatal unit, where you keep asking the nurses why they didn't tell you what life would be like post-discharge, why they didn't give out support information, and if you could please see a three pound baby so you could remember what your son looked like way back then.

Imagine...finally really reading the symptoms for sensory integration dysfunction and realizing that your son shows many of them, and wondering why no professional thought to look for them when you son has many risk factors for it, and wondering if you're just being paranoid.

Imagine...feeling relieved that there might actually be a problem that could be attributed to his prematurity because it feels like finally the other shoe has dropped and you don't have to keep holding your breath, and feeling relieved that maybe all your worrying hasn't been in vain.

Imagine,,,thinking at several points that you were over the whole preemie thing, only to be taken off guard to find that you're really not, and realizing that the more time goes by, the more losses you realized you experienced and can only now begin to see them.

Mary Searcy