Imagines...

Imagine... driving home from work with an antagonizing stomach ache and wondering what you ate

Imagine...this stomach ache turning into severe pain that will not go away and taking your sisters advice to lay on pillows

Imagine...driving yourself to the doctor's office and then being sent to the hospital without being examined by a doctor

Imagine... meeting a doctor there who convinces you that your pain is from vomiting...then asks you the next morning why you didn't tell him you were in pain...who orders no blood work yet diagnoses you with a kidney infection...who changes your antibiotics 4 times and you still have fevers...who does an ultrasound of your kidneys and comments about how good they look but refuses to change his diagnoses...who tells you that you are well enough to go home yet you can no longer walk... who convinces you that your pain is now from lying in a hospital bed

Imagine... begging the nurses to listen for your baby's heartbeat...questioning the nurses about the doctor and getting the answer he's the best they got

Imagine...asking your husband if you're going to die

Imagine...being told the risks of having a cat scan done during a pregnancy and then being asked to make the choice...lying on the x-ray table praying that you made the right choice... feeling guilty for the choice you made and then finding out that the x-rays show a ruptured appendix

Imagine...not wanting to move in fear that the poison is spreading everywhere yet knowing that you can't have surgery in the cat scan room

Imagine...the doctor trying this time to convince you that you really don't have a ruptured appendix... and that it would be best to stay in that hospital so that he could attend the surgery out of personal interest

Imagine... your husband transporting you to a new hospital because you can no longer trust anyone at that hospital

Imagine... having the surgery and finding out how near death you really were and crying because you are so thankful to be alive and still pregnant

Imagine...going home thinking that you are all better and that you will have a new baby in February

Imagine...returning to the hospital only three weeks later with infection pouring out of you and in full blown labor at only 24 weeks

Imagine...the nurses questioning why you still have adhesive tape on your scar and telling them you had surgery 3 weeks ago for a ruptured appendix

Imagine... praying that the mag-sulfate drug will stop your labor because it is way too early to have your baby

Imagine...being told that everyday counts in the life of a pregnancy and that your baby has a better chance of survival at 25 weeks and then your membranes rupture at only 24 weeks

Imagine...being told your baby has a 25 percent chance of survival and advised to let your baby die

Imagine...wanting to be knocked out for your c-section because you are living a nightmare and given the advice that if your baby lived for just a few moments would you want to be awake to see her

Imagine...a room packed with people and not a single word spoken...a doctor delivering your baby as if she's a glass china doll...a father who names his daughter during the ten seconds that he sees her...a mother so sick and scared that she doesn't dare to touch her baby...a preacher who baptizes your baby that weighs only 718 grams...friends and family who don't know what to say congratulations or I am sorry

Imagine...everyone talking about your baby while you sit back and wonder if you really had a baby....someone mentioning that your baby's birthday is October 30 and you want to scream and say it's in February

Imagine...feeling too scared to bond to your baby in fear that she may die yet thinking it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all

Imagine...wanting to know the future but only if it has great outcomes

Imagine...looking into the eyes of your child who was born so early and so sick and saying it was worth it all

Imagine... asking your baby for a kiss and she presses her lips against yours and you remember back to the days when you didn't know if she would even live

Kelly with Janaya born at 24 weeks