Imagine having slight pains in your stomach at 23 weeks, thinking it is just the ligaments stretching, but in the back of your mind you know that something is wrong.
Imagine waking up the next day and the pain is still there and it is a little bit worse.
Imagine going to work and the pain in your stomach is getting a little bit worse every hour. Imagine talking to your mother and you are telling her what you feel and she is saying go to the hospital and get checked right now and your tell her that you will if it gets worse.
Imagine your shift is about to end and you go to the bathroom and you see a spot of blood, and right then you tell yourself that you are going to the hospital to get checked.
Imagine going to the hospital and laying on the bed and having the nurses put the devises on your tummy to monitor your baby, and then coming back 30 minutes later and tell you that your having contractions.
Imagine an hour later the check your cervix to see if your dilated and then see them get into a panic and say that you are 4 cm. dilated and with your baby being so small that is full dilatation in this situation.
Imagine feeling the relief of that little spot of blood that you saw that made up your mind to go to the hospital, and thinking what may have happened if you kept ignoring the pain, where would your little girl be today.
Imagine your so upset that your shaking uncontrollably for the last hour and a half and when the elders come in and bless you, your shivers stop right then. Imagine feeling the blessing inside and knowing that everything is going to be fine.
Imagine having the nurses tip your bed upside down, tilting your uterus so your little girl stays in there as long as possible. And having Magnesium Sulfate put into your system to make the contractions stop. One side effect of the Magnisium is that it slows your breathing if you have too much in your system.
Imagine telling the nurse that you can't breath, and she gives you an oxygen mask and says it is normal. Imagine 20 min later gasping for one big breath but only able to get little ones, looking at your husband with tears in your eyes, looking at him like it is going to be your last breath.
Imagine being upside down for 3 days scared to move because you don't want to break your own water.
Imagine waking up at 3am and you start having contractions through the Magnesium, you call the nurse and she says that we will worry when you start to have 6 an hour.
Imagine 20 minutes later the contraction get stronger and stronger and by 6:30 am they are coming one right after another. By that time they are rushing you to L&D...and tell you to push...telling you to push out the baby you want to protect.
Imagine looking into your husbands eyes and seeing how scared he is. Wondering what he is feeling and thinking.
Imagine them telling you to push but you don't want to, you want her to stay in and grow, you push twice and your little girl has entered this world. Imagine not being able to hold her seeing a glimpse of her before they take her away to save her LIFE.
Imagine the feeling of failure inside because you weren't able to take care of her yourself.
Imagine seeing her for the first time, not wanting to touch her because your scared and over whelmed by all the tubes and wires keeping her alive.
Imagine as days go by you watch her get more and more restless, more and more uncomfortable and all you can do is watch. Wanting to hear her scream but she cant with all the tubes. Seeing the look on her face you can see the pain she is going through, and you wonder if she could open her eyes would there be tears?
Imagine trying to write this and not break down in tears because you know that you caused all the pain that she is going through right now. And of you could you would take it away in an instant.
Imagine calling to check on your daughter because you cant be there 24 hrs. a day, and she tells you that your daughter has been put on some paralyzation medication to help repair her lungs.
Imagine you find out that she can open her eyes because the fuse is gone, but she cant because she is still paralyzed.
Imagine yourself thinking that she can't be a fighter she is too little to fight, having the thought that you want her to give up so she doesn't have to go through any of this, but in the same thought you think she has made through all that has come her way from day one of the pregnancy, and there is a long road ahead and she will fight the whole way.
Imagine a miracle!
Jewels mother of Madison Born at 24 weeks, 1 pound, 4 ounces
