Imagines...

Imagine wanting a baby all of your life and then finally meeting the most wonderful man who was just meant to be a daddy and then imagine not being able to get pregnant

Imagine after trying and trying you finally with the help of infertility drugs become pregnant only to 8 weeks later go into labor and miscarry.

Imagine getting up your courage and trying again to become pregnant and only a week later, miscarry again. And once again and overwhelming courage to try yet again and this time getting pregnant and at six weeks bleeding, again...going to the doctors office for an ultrasound on a Sunday afternoon for him to state that this didn't look good at all...

Imagine going back a few days later and an increase on the hormones and there was a heartbeat, a strong one.

Imagine then at 12 weeks when you thought you had made it waking up bleeding again, but an increase in the hormones and it stopped immediately...

Imagine then at 18 weeks your AFP coming back as being at an increased risk for Down's and having to make the decision of whether to have an amnio or not and choosing to go ahead with it so that you are ready to accept whatever you have been given after all you wanted a child and you are going to have one.

Imagine the two agonizing weeks of waiting for the results which showed you were going to have a perfectly healthy baby girl!!!!

Imagine then finally breathing a sigh of relief and looking forward to your shower something you have waited for your whole life.

Imagine then at 33 weeks falling at work and calling your OB who wanted to do an ultrasound "just to make sure everything was okay".

Imagine how lucky I was my husband was off sick that day and he took me.

Imagine when they are doing the ultrasound which you fully expect to be fine that they tell you your baby is small, really really small. When I asked how small no one would tell me for what seemed like forever. The poor nurse practitioner was remeasuring trying to make them larger but they weren't.

Imagine then going over to another hospital level III ultrasounds not having a clue what you were about to hear.

Imagine them telling you your baby who was just 7 weeks from getting here was only 1 pound 10 ounces and about 12 inches long and that there was no amniotic fluid...

Imagine them telling you all of the horrible things that could be wrong with her IF she made it...

Imagine going completely into shock and not believing what they were telling me and finally stating I don't want to hear all of this lets just get the baby here alive and then we will worry about what is wrong with her.

Imagine four days later the ultrasound determining it was too dangerous for her to stay inside me any longer, I had now become a threat to my own child.

Imagine calling your husband at work and tell him to come to the hospital today is the day and be careful...

Imagine him being so scared that you and the baby were going to die.

Imagine hearing a tiny little cry when she was born and the terror of seeing her when they whisked her by, babies aren't supposed to be that small.

Imagine that block not wearing off soon enough. Trying to make your legs work even though it was useless, wanting so bad to see your baby but yet being detatched as you were afraid to love her because she might not make it.

Imagine them finally letting you see her and instantly falling hopelessly in love with this tiny creature that had taken your heart 33 weeks ago and now just sealed it with a kiss.

Imagine after three days finally getting to hold what you have been longing for. Then imagine having to alternate days with daddy because you can only hold her for one hour a day.

Finally imagine taking her home 8 weeks later at 3 pounds 6 ounces and the light of your lives. I never knew such a small person could teach such big lessons. I will always be so proud of her she fought hard for her mommy and daddy. I never knew such love until now and I still look at her 7 months later just in total amazement that she is here, she is healthy and she is ours.

Imagine the love so complete it overtakes you!!!!

Jackie, mommy to Samantha 33 weeker IUGR 1 lbs 10 ounce little bundle of joy and totally spoiled by daddy.