Imagines...

Heather Imagine....giving birth not only to one premature baby, but a second one.

Imagine....finding out you're pregnant after only 2 months of marriage.

Imagine....at approximately a month and a half, having to go to the ER alone & in tears because you're in so much pain, and your husband is in the field for the next 3 days and you don't know how to reach him.

Imagine....seeing a teeny tiny little blob on the ultrasound screen and being totally excited as the tech points out the heartbeat.

Imagine....going along through your pregnancy thinking everything's going to be O.K.

Imagine....planning your baby shower to take place 2 months before the baby is due so you'll have time to get all of the things you still need.

Imagine....having contractions for a week and not knowing that tha's what they were, because the army dr. that saw you last answered you question of what do contractions feel like by telling you to sign up for Lamaze classes.

Imagine....being dropped from you insurance at 30 weeks.

Imagine....at 31 weeks having to go to the civilian hospital because your mucus plug fell out and you've got bloody show.

Imagine....the nurse telling you you're 90% effaced, but they send you home anyway (since you're not in active labor) with some more terbutaline...even though it didn't work in the hospital.

Imagine....being admitted 2 days later and being put on magnesium sulfate.

Imagine....nurses helping you into a more comfortable bed a day later and checking you when they see how much bloody show you have.

Imagine....the nurse yelling out the door to set up a transfer to another hospital because you're dilated to 3 centimeters.

Imagine....the nurse at the next hospital turning off the magnesium for a while because you've got too much in your system and almost immediately you start contracting again.

Imagine....your mother bursting into tears when you deliriously ask her if your baby is going to die.

Imagine....having to stay on the magnesium for 4 more days so you can get a series of steroid shots for the baby's lungs.

Imagine....delivering your first born son the day of his baby shower...and his 3lb. 14 1/2 oz body getting stuck in your pelvis after his tiney head was delivered.

Imagine....your nurse standing above you on the delivery bed putting all of her body weight on your pelvis to try and get the baby's body out.

Imagine....your dr. breaking your premature baby's shoulders in order to get him out before it's too late.

Imagine....watching helplessly as the neonatal nurses and doctors work to resucitate your 32 week baby, and crying the entire time, because you're not sure if he'll make it or not.

Imagine....seeing him 2 hours later, on a ventilator and being more than happy to tell the nurse what his name was when she asked...because you almost didn't get that chance.

Imagine....taking your best friend to the NICU to see your baby 12 hours later and both of you watch, holding your breath, as he's extubated.

Imagine....crying when you see him take a breath on his own and let out the most precious little squeal you've ever heard.

Imagine....your doctor telling you that the preterm labor was caused by an infection in your body....

Imagine....severe depression setting in more every day.

Imagine....realizing how lucky your really are compared to some of the other families in the NICU.

Imagine....actually getting to take your preemie home after only 19 days in the hospital because he's done so good.

Imagine....the stares when you go to the grocery store for the first time and the apnea monitor goes off.

Imagine....being surprised at how well this gorgeous little boy is doing every day, and constantly having it in your head that you're lucky they were able to bring him back when he was born.

Imagine....being mad at the neurodevelopmental therapists because they say he's 3-4 months behind, because you think he's an absolute genius.

Imagine....laughing at the looks on peoples faces when you tell them how much he weighed at birth...because you wouldn't know it to look at him now.

Imagine....having to file bankruptcy at the age of 20 because between your hospital stay, and your sons, you've aquired more that $100,000.00 in medical bills, and with you being out of work so long after he was born, went into debt with other bills, and you cant possibly pay it all back.

Imagine....having your 10 month old preemie at home when the doctor tells you you're pregnant again.

Imagine....being scared out of your mind--you don't want to go through all of that again.

Imagine....being so sick the first 5 months of your pregnancy, you doctors are worried, because you don't start gaining any weight until your 24th week.

Imagine....having to quit a really good job that you worked hard to get because you feel so sick and awful all of the time.

Imagine....being put on bedrest at 25 weeks due to pressure in your pelvic region, and the doctor being worried that you're going to deliver prematurely ... again.

Imagine....everyone you know constantly telling you that they think you'll go full term this time..but you know better.

Imagine....getting what you believe is the flu and being completely paranoid that you'll become dehydrated because you cant even keep water down.

Imagine....on the 3rd day of being sick waking up with painful contractions, but they're really irregular and you think if you (do what all the nurses said and) rest and drink tons of water, you can get them to stop.

Imagine....getting up to get dressed and seeing that your mucus plug has fallen out....again--and realizing at that instant that you and your baby are screwed..because you already know what's coming.

Imagine...having to wake you husband up from a dead sleep after working all night so he can drive you to the hospital.

Imagine...the look on his face when you tell him to just drop you off because at the most they'll just put you on the magnesium again and stop your labor, and he can't miss work and you think he should get some more sleep.

Imagine....your surprise when the nurse checks you and leaves the room only to come back with 3 more nurses to help fill out admittance papers, consent forms and run IV's because you're 30 weeks and at 7 centimeters already.

Imagine....how scared you are that you just sent your husband home and aren't sure if he'll make it back to see his 2nd child be born.

Imagine....your heart racing and shaking so badly it's hard to talk and answer their questions because they've shot you up with terbutaline...and it's not working.... again

Imagine....feeling like you're going to die because they've pumped so much magnesium into your system in such a short amount of time to try and stop you labor...but it's not working either.

Imagine....the doctor checking you because you feel pressure, and telling the nurse to stop the magnesium because you're still dilating. He tells you the mag was a wasted effort and your baby will be born shortly, and 10 weeks too soon.

Imagine....the doctor rushing you in for an emergency c-section at 9 centimeters after doing an ultrasound because your baby is breech.

Imagine....all of this happening only within an hour and a half of you reaching the hospital.

Imagine....having to be asleep while your 2nd premature son is delivered at 30 weeks, weighing 3lbs. 11 1/2 oz.

Imagine....waking up in recovery-in the worst pain you've ever felt-and being afraid to ask the nurse what you had and if the baby's OK, because you don't want to hear bad news.

Imagine...your husband coming into the recovery room to see you and, while you're still pretty out of it, he tells you the REAL reason both of your children were premature.

Imagine....being told that both of your beautiful sons almost didn't make it, because YOUR body is messed up.

Imagine....being told that your uterus is only half the size it's supposed to be.

Imagine....being told you were born this way and you'll never be able to carry a baby full term.

Imagine....being so completely devastated to hear this news, that you could feel your heart breaking.

Imagine....your best friend getting to see your baby before you did, because you still couldn't get out of bed yet after your surgery.

Imagine....not getting to see your son until he is almost a day old, and then not even getting a good look at him because you're in a wheelchair and still cant stand well, and the nurses have your baby's bed raised high to reach the ventilator machine.

Imagine....not getting to hold him until he was 5 days old.

Imagine....him coming off of the vent, and going back on...then coming off again, and then he crashes again and has to go back on....

imagine this happening a total of 4 times before he comes off for good, and by then, you have no faith that he'll stay off for sure that time, because he just couldn't do it on his own.

Imagine....him being on the vent for almost 2 weeks and finally having to practically be forced off of it, because it was starting to collapse his left lung.

Imagine....the doctors telling you he has a small hole in his heart.

Imagine....them telling you he has a bleed in his brain.

Imagine....them saying that despite these two problems, they're not worried, and he should be OK.

Imagine....your elation a few weeks later when they do another ultrasound on his head and see that the bleed is resolving itself.

Imagine....your worry when they think he has a heart murmur, and your relief when they do another ultrasound on his heart and see that everything's ok....except the hole is still there.

Imagine....being mad when you see pregnant women that are as far a long as you should be, and actually sinking low enough to give them dirty looks because you're so jealous of them.

Imagine....being so relieved that you have insurance this time.

Imagine....going through all of this in less than a year and a half and also before your 22 nd birthday.

Imagine....your 2nd little boy still being in the hospital as you write this.

Imagine....being overjoyed, because he's gaining weight, eating good and should be home within the next 3 days.

Imagine....feeling like you're ready...when you know you probably aren't.

Heather.......mother of Spencer Lee (32 weeks and 3lbs 14 1/2 oz) now 18 months and 31lbs!!
And Joshua Michael (30 weeks and 3lbs 11 1/2 oz) now almost 6 weeks and 5 lbs. 12oz.!!